Potty Talk - What to Know Before You Go

Ready, set, squat.

Welcome to Asia a land of smiles, beautiful beaches, delicious cuisine, fascinating temples and non-flushing toilets. Before I arrived in Thailand I was unaware of the bathroom situation I would soon embark on. I stepped off the big plane from America and went to the first stall I could find expecting to see a regular toilet. As my eyes drifted down to the ground I thought to myself, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” For newcomers to Thailand, you need to know a thing or two about a squat before you step into a stall or else you’re in for a special treat.

Silly Thais, Trix are for Kids

"Maturity is knowing when to be immature"  

                                               - Randall Hall                                    

Where is the latter acceptable then?

Let me preface by saying that I am not making fun of anyone, but merely appreciating the humor in each situation. Heck knows if I was translating my native language into Thai or another completely different alphabet I'm sure I'd misspell a thing or two.
A motorbike transporting a family of four home from the hospital with its newest arrival. No trace of a garbage can at a festival with hundreds of people.  A pile of abandoned shoes outside a restaurant, shop, or classroom. A “toilet” in the ground with no butt hose or toilet tissue. Google mistranslations that make even native English speakers question the options on the menu. The Land of Smiles is full of quirkiness that may not be initially apparent to passer-bys. Over time, I’ve grown to notice the influx of signs, habits, and trends that have many visitors perplexed and rhetorically asking themselves “What?” Here is a collection of Thai idiosyncrasies that have been lost in translation.

Thai Food 101 - Taking it to the Streets

Gave me a taste, put the spoon back in the pot.

Heading out to pick up your delectable preference for the evening to satiate your ravishing hunger is not challenging in Thailand. If your taste buds crave sweet or spicy, the Thai streets are guaranteed to supply you with a scrumptious dish to satisfy your desires. Chickens hang out in windows, juicy melons, and vendors with carts full of meaty options can be found on every street corner. Thai food style changes all over the country but I’ve concocted a menu of popular grub and thirst quenchers that are found in every crevice of the Land of Smiles.

Ayutthaya - A City in Ruins

Strolling along in Wat Mahathat.

The first time I stepped off the bus in Ayutthaya, I thought “Oh hell naw.” This place is a complete bleep hole. Granted, the town had just been hit by the worst flood in the last 50 years and I’m rolling up about 24 hours after the city streets dried up. Let me paint you a vivid picture of what I was looking at: DUST, DUST DUST, dried mud covered every square inch of street, building, tree, plant, side walk, and ant.

Walking in a "Winter" Wonderland

Sunflower fields in Lopburi, Thailand.

The fall temperature in the Thailand was sweltering at all times of the night and day. I felt like an ant under a child’s magnifying glass when I was on the islands. The day I went on the Sunrise Dive in Koh Tao, the weather was unbearably blistering. After our dive that ended up being most of the day, I was exhausted, hot, and all I wanted to do was sleep but at 2:30 in the afternoon when the sun is beating down on your non-A/C steam room, it’s a bit more difficult.

Robbed in My Sleep in Kanchanaburi

Filling out a report at the Tourist Police.

When I arrived in Kanchanaburi, Thailand my travels up to that point had progressed beautifully. I was feeling rather chipper and untouchable. I was moving and grooving around Thailand like a pro, meeting marvelous locals and travelers, learning tons about the culture and life, and enjoying the rewards and challenges of each day. Lord knows it wasn’t all peaches ‘n cream but the good days trump the bad or should I say “frustrating” days.

Rock Climbing in Railay

Spreading it while rock climbing.

Railay Beach in the south western coast of Thailand is not only one of the most beautiful beaches in the world it’s also one of the top places to go rock climbing. The white sandy beach is encircled by red, brown and green crags who’s vivid colors reflect on the blue-green glassy ocean. Climbers from all over the earth come to Railay beach and its next-door neighbor, Tonsai beach in an attempt to scale the challenging rocks for an amazing view of the Andaman Sea. We enlisted in Sea Cliff Climbing Company on Railay beach to give the sport a try for us newbies.